PEST INVASIONS

REAL ESTATE AGENTS!!!

We have had numerous reports from around the country of a new pest/subspecies that has been invading and damaging people’s homes and living places. They are extremely dangerous, causing people to pay unreasonable rates in today’s property market and damaging the already fragile economy.  

If you encounter one, make sure not to engage in conversation with them, as due to lack of a soul, they tend to speak only in lies and to eat small children. 

It can be hard to recognise a real estate agent, as they look like normal people. But you can spot warning signs e.g.

1. Asking how many bedrooms and bathrooms your house has.

2. Basic stupidity and unable to understand words like ethical and kindness.

3. Showing lack of morals or integrity.

4. Constantly asking how much money you earn and licking their lips when they hear.

5. They know a lot about school zones as this is where they tend to hunt small children.

6. Will come into your home, without warning and spread their germs/scents, which attracts more of their kind. 

There are things you can do to prevent them from spreading their filth and multiplying. 

1. The first step is to never get an evaluation done on your home. They will lie about it’s worth, without even doing a proper inspection. 

2. Ignore all the spam and advertising that they spew forth as a natural function. 

3. Spray all surfaces and door handles with garlic.

4. If you have a pet, make sure to spread their fur around. 

5. Do not speak with them or encourage conversation. They get stronger by lying and will try to screw you in any way possible.

6. Warn your children to stay away from them, and not to talk to fake smile people.

7. Regular pest inspections and possible poisonous gasses if they are found within your walls or basement.

8. If all else fails, I would suggest fire. Burn them and the house down, as it is the only way to get rid of them from your house. 

It is hard to manage the pest infestations of realestate agents. The only known eradication technique is to cut them off from their food source which is money. Once money is restricted, they stop reproducing and spreading like a plague. If you need to sell or rent your home, do it privately and don’t advertise it on any sites they will be looking at. 

Luckily, real estate agents are not good with technology or intelligence. They are rarely found around learning institutions, unless looking for small children to abduct. Remember to ensure, when moving into your property that no real estate agents live near by. They have severe problems with boundaries and can invade without notification. Do not give them your address, email or phone number, as they will send numerous spam listings and annoy you with phone calls and messages all through the night. 

They have been known to mostly be found in cities, but due to their numbers increasing, they have begun to multiply in small towns and communities. They have also been known to destroy natural forests and landscapes in order to feed their hunger for money and sell vulnerable land to greedy bidders. 

Keep yourself safe, by locking all doors and windows. Don’t speak about your credit ratings or bank accounts in public. Try carry a flame thrower at all times. Don’t lie on your back in public, as they will try to screw you. Don’t give them any ability to communicate directly with you. Educate your community in the dangers these pests represent. 

Stay safe and stay vigilant as they only prey on the vulnerable and stupid.