What most untechnical people don’t realise, is that we have a very strict code which we follow and the sad fact is that you are too stupid to understand… which honestly is the reason we get away with it…
Now like pirates we have a honorable code that we work and die by. The rules which we come to understand and live by are:
- Never humiliate another technical employee – The reason for this is because we all understand that while we may be great in a program, we are weak in others and don’t want to explain the lapse when we make the mistake of screwing another one of us over.
2. We close ranks quickly – Don’t expect us to turn against our own. We protect each other as our jobs are fraught with errors and we need the protection. Like fight club, we don’t talk about it.
3. If one of our own comes up with a theory that is not right, we will not speak against it. We will talk quietly and let them retrieve their needed trust. This is needed because we talk with idiots all day and need that trust to be able to comunicate with the uneducated.
4. We will lie to simplify an explaination. If something makes a problem easier to explain, we will back it up. Don’t expect us to tell you every detail, because you didn’t learn the needed explaination. I am not going to give you the details of the code, because you don’t understand it. I will tell you that a part of the process due to the incompatability was the cause of the issue. If you decide to try to get me to explain, everything… then please show me your uni degree to undertand what I am saying. I am not explaining it line by line to you!
5. Be polite! We are not your slaves! When you used to treat us as glorified machine operators is over. We now control the world through technology. Keep up with the times, you now, bow down to us.
6. Technology is constantly changing. You start up and learn, then need to continue that education. It is not a uni degree you can say you are always an expert in. We have fast moving systems and they progress more quickly than an education system can handle. We never stop learning. Ever! Be kind and patient with us!
7. 1 vs 500! – You have 1 problem. We get them from everyone! We have a set process to deal with these issues. Your little issue and yelling about it, is not going to make us ignore the other issues which are priorities over your minor one. The world revolves around more than you!
8. The ‘annoying’ IT tickets you put in, actually are needed, when we get a stampeed. Don’t complain. They tell us significant issues and how to fix them. They are not a priority list. They are to understand if this is a system wide issue or singular and why it would happen. We need these facts to determine who to send the error to, don’t assume we will ignore it. It’s also to scan recent tickets to see if a solution was found. It helps us!
9. When a technical person tells you something, listen. Don’t keep asking the same question. We shouldn’t need to repeat ourselves. Listen, understand and write down. We are not your preschool teacher, we are telling you needed information. Don’t keep asking the same information continuously because you failed to record it. It wastes our time and makes us angry.
10. Patience is a virtue – We need time to see if something we test works. This can sometimes involve many, many steps. Don’t act like we are ignoring you. We are busy. We are going through the error list and five seconds is not a reasonable amount of time to expect a solution. Don’t rush us, we are doing our jobs and working with as much information to fix an error as we can.
Anyone who says no, or does not understand… well simple answer is…
Maxine the Magnificent 