Subject: Date
To: Darth.Vader@disney.com
From: Tinkerbell@disney.com
Dear Darth,
Can’t wait for our date. So glad Cinderella set us up. Like that you’re coming to our Disney theme restaurant for our date. Really thought you’d reject the idea due to your image in Disney World, even though you just joined. Good to know you’re flexible.
Can’t wait till Friday!
Heart,
Tinkerbell
To: Darth.Vader@disney.com
From: Tinkerbell@disney.com
Dear Darth,
Ok, for some reason you’re ghosting me. I thought our date went really well. Plus, I made those two people who threatened you fly off! Geez, you are being so rude! Plus you obviously have sexual hangups because of you running off when I invited you to my apartment!
Screw you!
Tinkerbell
To: Tinkerbell@disney.com
From: Darth.Vader@disney.com
Dear Tinkerbell,
I am so sorry for offending you. It was a real pleasure meeting you. I just don’t think it’s going to work. Totally my problem not yours.
All the best,
Darth Vader
To: Darth.Vader@disney.com
From: Tinkerbell@disney.com
Dear Darth,
Really? That’s your excuse for behaving like a insane sex starved beast?
Tinkerbell
To: Tinkerbell@disney.com
From: Darth.Vader@disney.com
To Tinkerbell,
What? I think you have your facts messed up. I arrived at the restaurant at seven. You were sitting at the bar with a martini glass, which was taller than you, standing on the bar, and you had already somehow drunk half of it. Then during dinner you kept trying to fly under the table and unzip my fly, which I had to keep telling you, was a robe and didn’t have one. At the end of dinner, I went with you in the cab to your, with all intents and purposes what appeared to be a beehive as your living quarters. I said goodnight and left.
Regards,
Darth Vader
To: Darth.Vader@disney.com
From: Tinkerbell@disney.com
Darth,
Oh you wanted me. I could tell! Not my fault if you have a small dick!
Tinkerbell
To: Tinkerbell@disney.com
From: Darth.Vader@disney.com
Tinkerbell,
I know you recently got out of a relationship, as you told me… crying, with a guy called Peter? But anyway, I don’t really understand you calling me small when… I am not degrading you, but if we look at sizes, I don’t think it is a possibility for us to even to… Well, try to be intimate…
Darth
To: Darth.Vader@disney.com
From: Tinkerbell@disney.com
Darth,
Did you just make fun of me for being small!!! You sizist jerk! I did not choose to be born a fairy, though you make fun of it! You are a monster! Plus don’t talk about Peter, he was twice the man… no I mean boy, um, yeah!
Tinkerbell
To: Tinkerbell@disney.com
From: Darth.Vader@disney.com
Tinkerbell,
Please forgive me for my rash comments. Cinderella has said that I was acting terribly and I would love to take you out again. I know of a nice Chinese restaurant.
Darth Vader
To: Darth.Vader@disney.com
From: Tinkerbell@disney.com
Dearest Darth,
I knew you’d come around! But due to your “small” comments I think it would be nice to go to my favourite fairy restaurant?
Love
Tinkerbell
To: Tinkerbell@disney.com
From: Darth.Vader@disney.com
Tinkerbell,
I don’t think my… Um… Size will allow me to enter?
Darth
To: Darth.Vader@disney.com
From: Tinkerbell@disney.com
Dear Darth,
Window seating sweety.
Tinkerbell
To: Tinkerbell Family
From: Darth.Vader@disney.com
Tinkerbell family,
I am so sorry for the tragedy which happened causing your daughter and sister Tinkerbell to become a smudge on the windscreen of my Toyota Camry. I am sincerely sorry that after our date, she was flying down, as I brought the car around and I had the windscreen wipers on. I sincerely regret not stopping the wipers and mistaking Tinkerbell as a large fly… She will be missed.
Sincerely,
Darth Vader
P.s. Her glitter/fairy dust was sprinkled on the front seat and I was unsure if you wanted the vacuum bag which may also contain a few bits of my cats clay litter in it, please let me know?
Maxine the Magnificent 