Very excited, I have just landed my space craft on this new planet. My first priority is to find out if this planet can support my life e.g. test if I can get sustenance, not be harmed by the environment etc. The last thing on my list would be to abduct a lifeform and try to stick a probe up its butt… That could just be my point of view?
Let’s just say, that I managed to understand your language and communicated with humans in kind. As my introduction, I would ask about your species and want to study you. The main things I would/should find strange:
1. You purposefully poison yourselves to act like idiots and then get sick the next morning. The poison is consumed by many of the taller members of your species and not by accident, as explained by a human in the process of poisoning themselves: “Yoush not mysh dad, yoush canpts tellish me whash to do!” (I’m still working on the translation). We are worried about you, please get help.
2. The way you give life to your species is through intense pain, which you call ‘giving birth’. If it brings you so much pain, why has your species not yet become extinct? Shouldn’t you have learnt, like not to put your hand over a flame, that if something causes that much pain, it probably shouldn’t be done?
3. Your species, unlike all the other species on your planet appears to put high status on how you appear to others. How does this benefit your race? I see many big, small, round, slim, shades of colours, different shapes of noses, eyes and mouths. They all are very different, yet for some unknown reason, you are all striving to look exactly the same and feel bad when you don’t? Wouldn’t it be terribly confusing if you all looked the same? Is there some logic I am missing here?
4. Your politics and organisations appear to be run on a flawed hierarchical structure. The least intelligent on the top and the smartest at the bottom of the structure? How do any of them run, when there is such an obvious problem with giving idiots any kind of power? Saw it by the odd orange skinned human with the loud American accent, that seemed to think I wanted to meet him.
5. Many of your species believe in a deity and prey to it, without any proof of existence, yet refuse to believe scientists even though they provide proof? I am wondering if you’ve noted or are aware of the problems with your belief systems?
6. I am not entirely sure about your rules on clothing, as you seem to be mainly concerned with covering the centre pieces. Why not the top with the loud noise hole?
7. You keep telling humanity to stop littering, then collecting their litter in trucks and throwing it to the Earth in a different location? Seems like the same process with extra steps…
8. You put people who have committed crimes in special shelters called prisons, where they are fed, clothed and sheltered, but for the people on the streets who obey the laws and can’t afford these comforts, you let them suffer? Do you need the people to commit crimes before they can be looked after in one of your prison shelters?
9. When asked about how I would describe your race in one word, I chose ‘smelly’. You have hair which traps smells when you sweat under your flappy parts on your sides and then have various holes in your body… which I have noted that one of these holes exudes pungent methane gas without warning. Do you have anyway to stop the smells, as I have so far only seen bigger smells placed on top of the others to mask them?
10. When I arrived, I came in a spacecraft from another galaxy. Now I do understand that meeting a new lifeform can be overwhelming, but instead of asking me how I got to your planet, you instead showed me your, I guess what your species considers achievements… Didn’t even ask about my spacecraft, just showed me your rockets, which resembles what my race would call the paper mache of space travel. This is just a note, not a question.
11. Your education system is very broken. You test the subjects then tell them that they are not allowed to learn more because they didn’t pass? Wouldn’t it make more sense to let the ones who needed more education learn more rather than stopping them from learning? Seems to be a counterintuitive system.
12. You seem to kill pest species when they overpopulate yet do not do the same with your own species. Is there a reason you do not see the damage your species are doing is bigger than a cockroach or mouse? I hear that you are apparently top of this planets food chain, but I would definitely rank the big cat with razor sharp fangs and claws as a good contender for supremacy.
Also watched that movie with the big fish that appeared to be eating a boat… Just saying that your species doesn’t make sense at the top of the food chain from my perspective…
13. You have created a made up economical structure around a thing called money, which your species has then placed value upon. It seems to go up and down and causing depressions. Since you made up the value, why can’t you adjust it without making half your species homeless? You don’t even appear to want it to go back to normal, you just keep inflating the value of the make believe currency?
14. As a species you need food, water and shelter to survive. You know this, you also know how many of your kind exist at any given time. You allow members of your species to die from starvation and throw away more than half the food produced, due to it not being consumed before it goes bad? How do you allow most of them to be without these needs? This should not be a problem, yet you do nothing to fix it.
Why?
Maxine the Magnificent 