How the darkness becomes menacing, well it happens very slowly. You’ll read a scary story and feel that fear creeping up on you. You laugh at first as you realise how tense your muscles have become, then almost gasp as you realise you were holding your breath. You try calm yourself but your eyes dart around the room focussing on the dark shadows and the gaps between the furniture. All the doors in the room are suddenly threatening. You have a certainty that behind that door is your greatest fear. The worst part is that you don’t know what that fear is, which is why you are associating the darkness with it, because you don’t know what it is. You can’t see it, only feel the fear wash over you. Your eyes are trying to give shape to the fear so they dart to the corner, then the ceiling, the floor, so quickly that you’re still processing if you saw something move. The weird thing is that you feel more fear by not seeing anything. It becomes like it’s trying to lull you into a false sense of security. After a while you call yourself silly and lie down to try sleep. But now you are definitely in darkness. You feel it there waiting. You know that the blanket that you have put over your head, won’t stop this monster.
Now that you can no longer see, your ears have become highly sensitive. What was that creaking? Was it one of the floor boards? Was it the front door or a window opening? Wait, was that a footstep? The worst part is when the noises stop, completely. The silence becomes deafening and you are expecting the attack to come at any moment. You imagine the scary thing watching you in the darkness and waiting. You realise that you are preparing yourself for a scream. That’s why your breathing keeps stopping, you’re preparing to expel all of that air as a loud sound when the monster reaches out and tries to grab you.
You finally work up the courage to turn on the light and grin stupidly as you realise how silly your imagination became. As the light floods the room you feel a wonderful sense of relief. You breathe heavily and shake your head at the things you thought were going to get you in the dark. You finally fall asleep.
The next morning you get up and go to work. You can’t believe how frightened you had been. You think that maybe you should book an appointment with a psychologist at some point to check that you’re not going insane. You laugh with your friends about your silly night terrors and feel that you are over them. It all seems so silly in the daylight.
But then you get home and realise that you’re alone again. The people around really helped you to stop creating fear out of nothing, but now you’re alone those scary thoughts start to haunt you again. You see those random shapes in the corner of your eyes, as you turn around, forming into monsters. But then you look properly and they disappear, as if they are hiding behind the wall or a piece of furniture. Your shadow appears to be following its own agenda. It keeps moving at a different speed, almost as if to check if you’d notice if it took on a life of its own.
That’s not as frightening as the mirror. You lose trust in your reflection. You find your mirror self is mocking you or is no longer happy following your movements. You keep your eye on it, because you are certain that it is trying to get out. So now you have your shadow and mirror image trying to get you. You wonder if they might be in cahoots and those weird shapes you keep seeing are them testing their limitations. You also realise you can’t escape them, as both are attached to you.
The worst part, is that you know that both work only with light. The shadows and the reflection. You realise the only way to stop them getting you is to turn off the light. But then the ultimate fear without shape will get you. Which one are you more afraid of? Yourself or the unknown?
The light is no longer comforting you, it’s making your shadow self, much stronger and that mirror image is waiting for you to stop staring at it, so it can attack you. You start crying and breathing through your mouth. You tell yourself you are being stupid, but the fear is too real. You can’t control it anymore. One of them is going to get you! You can’t stand the anticipation and horrible expectation of what will happen. There is no safety anywhere, you are alone with three monsters and you can’t escape them in the light or darkness. You cry so much that your eyes get tired. With a shuddering breath you flip the light switch, plunging the room into darkness and as you lie down, you slowly relax as you close your eyes.
Then after a minute of silence you hear your own voice whisper, “Wrong choice.”
Maxine the Magnificent 