Manager Pastures

We welcome you to Manager Pastures, where you can be confident that your boss won’t disturb you while you’re at work.

We provide a nice field for them to run around in and have conversations with other managers around various water coolers.

They can also start impromptu meetings that have no logical purpose any time of the day.

Knowing your director, manager or boss is not going to interfere with your work day, is task that we enjoy helping you with at Manager Pastures.

We cater for different needs and never turn a disgruntled employee away.

Specialties we handle:

The Idiot Boss – No ability to understand common sense or words that have more than two syllables. They will constantly say the wrong things and promise impossible deadlines, due to not knowing the tasks.

The No Responsibility Boss – Everything is someone else’s fault and they will never take responsibility and will never authorise anyone to do anything and cause work projects to be held up for months.

The Scaredy Cat Boss – Like above they won’t do anything without asking five million people if it’s OK. Will message you every five seconds asking for reassurance and will use all forms of communication, messages, emails, work phone, home phone, booking up your calendar times, snail mail, just to stay in contact every minute of the day.

The Soooo Busy Boss – They seem to think they are really busy, but they only have 2 five minute things to do in the entire 8 hour work day.

The Meetings Boss – They will book back to back meetings constantly without any need for them, then they book more meetings within the meeting, so they always have a meeting to go to.

The Trying to Look Smart Boss – They say buzzwords constantly and don’t realise they are using them incorrectly. They will also act like they know exactly what you are talking about and then ask a completely imbecilic question and you realise they just wasted half an hour pretending they understood something. My best strategy is to make up a random word and watch them trying to use it for a week.

The Sociopath Boss – These ones are actually dangerous and while appearing sweet and non-dangerous in front of others, will then criticize, demean and harrass their staff trying to damage their self esteem. (This one is not a joke – If you go home and cry everyday, you need help). Please see here for more information and also please talk to a doctor/psychologist as soon as possible for help to rebuild yourself after the abuse they inflict.

The Heirachy Boss – You are below them, so they refuse to listen to you. They won’t communicate information and will act as if all the work you’ve done appeared as if by fairy’s magic.

The Takes Credit For Your Work Boss – They constantly are taking praise for all the work you do, does not know how it works, but will claim that they spent hours completing it. They will also say this right in front of you as you stare in disbelief…

The Gossip Boss – They only know people through gossip and if you are not the subject of the office drama, they will not believe that you exist.

The No-back-bone Boss – They will be overly kind and sympathetic. They have no authority and will never congratulate the one person doing all the work in case the entire team feels left out. They are very child like and need constant supervision.

The Mum Boss – Treats you as if you are a five year old constantly. You tell them of the huge project you have just completed and they give you a gold star. If you get grumpy at something like computer troubles they will hand you a muslie bar and tell you that you should have eaten lunch. You are careful not to sniff in case they run up with a hankie and tell you to blow your nose!

The Forgetful Boss – You are surprised they actually find the office most days. They get confused about what is going on and frantic when someone asks them a question. If you have a work planning board then they will have around twenty tasks all saying the exact same thing. They then say how busy everyone must be…

The Best Friend Boss – They act like a teenage girl and keeps whispering things about other staff members e.g. “Omg, did you see that dress she was wearing. So bad and unflattering.” It’s like a mean girls parody and they will switch best friends every few minutes to keep themselves entertained. They also like pitting coworkers against each other, “I don’t know why he thinks you can’t do your job, he always says that he could do it better and faster.”

The Completely Bonkers Boss – You wonder if they have a care taker or if you should be worried about their safety and maybe everyone else’s. They will constantly change subjects and wear bright colours which most use to flag down motorist’s or planes. They also constantly are moving and will seem to appear out of thin air. They also speak rapidly and use exaggerated hand gestures.

The Quiet Boss – It’s like the first few minutes of jaws where you hear the music and it seems like they are hunting you. They have a direct gaze and you secretly fear that they are a serial killer by their long silences in which you are afraid they will suddenly launch a suprise attack and bite or stab you.

The Dramatic Boss – Everything is a melodrama. The printer got a paper jam, we must cry and curse the heavens! They also bring all their home drama to work, which you feel sorry for the poor intern who they cornered in the break room as they tell their life’s woes, the intern will be looking at you with pleading to help them to escape, but you just grab your coffee and run for safety in a meeting room.

The Retirement Boss – “Do whatever you like. I’m retiring next week”, They say this so often, that you have stopped believing them. They really don’t care. They have already given up. They will say exactly what they think and forget manners or the fact they are not allowed to call a women a secretary because she’s actually a technical programming advisor. But they don’t care…

The Can’t and Will Not Use Computers Boss – Needs help constantly and doesn’t understand any technology. Keeps pushing incorrect buttons and while you are impressed that they have managed, somehow, to change their system settings to German, you also need to get on with your own work at some stage…

The Family Comes First Boss – This boss is either on the phone with their kids or partner constantly, but also at home caring for them because they are sick, taking half days because one or five of them have various things they need to get to. They are never in the office and when they are then they are on the phone with their family or the school etc.

We all experience these bosses or get a mix of them all in one go, our aim is to help you deal with them in a easy and compassionate way….

Manager pastures offers you a safe space to leave your manager for a day or week and finally get on with your work.

Please contact us if you have a boss which will need care at our facilities.